Rodney Dangerfield's 21 Best One Liners.....

jadison · Guest

These are hilarious...

1. I was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.

2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4. One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly that my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

11. I'm so ugly that my mother had morning sickness.....AFTER I was born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I Don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly that I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

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[TN] Nathan · ALMIGHTY PWNER! Joined: 14 Feb 2002 Posts: 7053

omg, I can't stop laughing!

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dene · Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 1:11 am Post subject:

Lol.....
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gmoney · Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 2:49 am Post subject:

that guy was a riot... very funny find there pal Very Happy

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Josh · Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 5:46 pm Post subject:

ROFLMFAO!!! NUMBER 12 RULES!

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Ham_fisT · Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 5:53 pm Post subject:

number 1 was too close to reality for ya' Jush??

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Xal · Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 2:19 am Post subject:

LMAO, I remember reading this when I 1st joined TN (I did the usual and read thru all the posts I could

) and it was old then...

Nice job diggin it out again dene

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gmoney · Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 2:50 am Post subject:

who is jadison btw?
_________________
I finally got an award=OFFICIAL ROCKSTEADY AWARD and then one time... at tweaknews dene gave me a A+++++++....
and then...
i got a couple josh awards too
an' den one of those too -->... Ж award

Zero_Fresh · Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 3:18 pm Post subject:

HAHA!! Great dig job man.
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Josh · Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 6:57 pm Post subject:

JayDubya · Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2005 6:01 pm Post subject:

Oh man, those are great
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