JOKES, POST THEM UP!

PolarPyro · Posted: Thu Jul 01, 2004 5:32 pm Post subject:

LMFAO hAHAHAHAHAHAHHAa jOSH YOURE SO HILARIOUS!!!!

not

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HoseB · SirTweaksabit Joined: 03 Oct 2003 Posts: 260

A little boy, when first enamoured with his "guy things", asks,

"Mommie, are these my brains?"

"Not yet", she says.

Ham_fisT · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 10:52 am Post subject:

WARNING:

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Scoth · SirTweaksabit Joined: 23 Feb 2004 Posts: 283

ahahah! that's awesome

smith.p.sean · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 11:25 am Post subject:

smith.p.sean · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 11:35 am Post subject:

k my joke.

A man and a woman who came from big money had just been married and had decided to settle down in one of the most relaxing and luxurios places they could find. After searching for a while they found an almost perfect spot, the only downside to their acres of land and beautiful mansion was that just down the road there was a maximum security prison. The man thought to himself well, were seperated by acres of land and i dont have to tell my guests that its there, so they moved in. The couple had an excellent sexual relationship and could be found almost 4 hours aday in bed. One night almost a month after they had moved in they were in bed and they heard a noise. The man got up to discover that an escaped prisoner was holding him at gun point. He threatened him with the gun and tied him up. The man shared a scared look with his wife just before the escaped convict walked over to her and kissed her on the neck. The convict then left and headed into the bathroom. Sitting there the man turns to his wife and says , "honey, i saw the way he kissed you on ur neck, you have to be strong, this man has been in prison a long time and im sure he hasnt gotten any in a while, so just do whatever he asks of you so he doesnt kill us." To this the wife replied, "he didnt kiss me, he wispered in my ear that he was gay and asked where we kept the vasoline, i love you to honey so be strong."

Ham_fisT · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 11:39 am Post subject:

L M A O ! ! !
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smith.p.sean · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 12:42 pm Post subject:

Q. How do you get 4 gay guys to sit down on one barstool.
A. Turn it upside down.

Josh · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 1:02 pm Post subject:

smith.p.sean · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 1:11 pm Post subject:

most have probably heard this one before but ne ways,
There was a bear and a rabbit who lived in some woods deep in the forest. One day they crossed paths and the rabiit fliked of the bear and started to run thinking that he was much faster. Eventually, really pissed off from running, the bear had him cornered. Just then a little fairy frog came out of a smalle hole and said, "my o my, you are the first living creature i have seen in 100 years. For this i will grant you both 3 wishes. The rabbit hopped on the oppertunity (no pun intended) to escape the bear. Well, said the rabbit for my first wish i want a motercycle helmet. The bear said thats easy, i want all the bears in my woods to be female except for me of course. For the rabbits second wish he wished for a motercycle. The bear said. oooh oooh one better, i want all the bears in the surrounding forest to be female except for me of course. As the rabbit started to ask for his third wish the bear cut him off saying ooh oooooh even better, I want all the other bears in the world to be female! The rabbit then turned to the frog and said as he started the bike and hopped on ( again no pun intended) I want that bear to be gay.

[KoG]^weaZel · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 1:35 pm Post subject:

smith.p.sean · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 4:04 pm Post subject:

With this post combined I become Captain Master Tweaker, hes our hero, gonna tweak our systems way past zero.. ( I would have written more but i cant remember how the rest of Captain planet goes lol)

Ne ways, the important part... the joke... thats funny... thats on tn... yea...

Three men were riding in a car when the driver lost control and they rolled off a cliff and died. Seeing as god was on vacation and heaven could only accept so many people a day, the devil got first dibbs on them. Being the great upstanding guy that the devil is, he offered them a chance to scate past hell and ride the elevator to heaven. He said, "Give me any task that I cant do and you will get to go to heaven, however if i succeed, then straight to hell." The first man thought for a minute and said I want you to climb the tallest mountain in the world in under 3 seconds. So the devil did it in 2 and kicked him into the eteral fires. The second man took a little longer to think after seeing this. Finally he said I want you to run around the world carrying 4 elephants on ur back in 2 seconds. So the devil did it in one second without even breaking a sweat. He came back and kicked the second man into the fires. The third man was increadably scared by this but he knew that he was the smartest man in the group, surley he ould figure out how to beat the devil. So while waiting he realized he was hungry and said to the devil, since this is going to be my last couple of minutes not in hell, could i have some baked beans to eat, they are my favorite food. The devil agreed and the man ate the entire bowl in about 30 seconds. About now the devil was getting irritated because the man wouldnt tell him what to do. Just as the devil was opening his mouth to say something the man ripped the biggest fart the devil had ever heard. Before the devil could say anything, the man blurted out I want you to catch that fart and paint it red!

JayDubya · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 9:47 pm Post subject:

Josh · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 10:24 am Post subject:

JayDubya · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 6:20 pm Post subject:

blast! damn you all!
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Xal · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 8:34 am Post subject:

k heres one from zimbabwe (i was born there and lived there till last year)

Mugabe (zim president) goes to the UK to talk to the queen.
He asks her how she mannages to run her country so well and she tells him that its because she has intelligent ppl to delegate to.
"But eh how do you know they are cleva" ses mugs
"watch" sez the queen
so she calls up Tony and sez
"Tony, if your mother has a child and its not your brother or your sister, who is the child?"
so Tony sez "thats easy its me"
so mugs goes back to zim and calls up Josh Nkomo (one of his high ups)
"josh, if your mother has a child and its not your brother or your sister, who is the child?"
so josh tells him to wait a moment so he can think and then quickly calls up Ian Smith (former president of Rhodesia) and asks him the riddle
so Ian sez "its me"
So josh picks up the line to mugs and sez
"ist Ian Smith"

Then mugs sez
"no you idiot its Tony Blair"
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[KoG]^weaZel · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 1:12 pm Post subject:

lmao good one.
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Josh · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 1:22 pm Post subject:

hehehe...no reference to me of course.
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Praetorian · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 5:46 pm Post subject:

I read this on another forum....

You're on a boat in the desert and one of your wheels fall off. How many pancakes does it take to build a house?

Ya give up?

The answer is BLUE! Because ice-cream doesn't have bones!
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ToggleHead · TWEAKGURU Joined: 03 Mar 2004 Posts: 4360 Location: Jersey

HA HA
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Josh · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 5:50 pm Post subject:

WTF?

Now im really confused

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JayDubya · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 5:52 pm Post subject:

Makes perfect sense to me.

Keep em' coming guys!
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Xal · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 11:52 pm Post subject:

another joke about Mugs

A large group of scientists from all over the world get together to brag about thier achievements. The guy from Germany brags that they took a guy with no legs and gave him new ones and now he runs the 100m in 10s flat. So a guy from Japan sez that that was nothing, they took a guy with no arms and no eyes, gave him new ones and now hes the world tabletennis champ. This goes on for hours until the guy from Zim gets there and he sez no one could beat the Zimbabweans cuz they took a guy with no head and gave him a wooden one, now the guy runs the country.
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Josh · Posted: Thu Jul 22, 2004 5:03 pm Post subject:

Im not sure if this has been posted, and i cant be bothered to read thru them all again, so here it is

What is the difference beteween a lawyer and a hooker?

The hooker will stop screwing you once you are dead!

No offence sean

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JayDubya · Posted: Thu Jul 22, 2004 5:07 pm Post subject: